Wednesday6.07pm

if i dont say this now i will surely breakdown.
i guess i just have to start post something that is true
so now here it goes.

I still can't believe you're gone really!..well anyway I'm happy for you. at last you get what you really wanted. to tell you all the truth.yes, I'm haven't yet move on, i don't know why. i thought i did, but i don't! its crazy, my mind is crazy. i kept on thinking of this someone that not supposed to be in my damn mind.I'm trying so hard to move on ,hang out friends.make new friends but yet i don't know why you're here in my mind. its hard for me to move on and the hardest part is to let go of someone you really love so much.and i thought by coming to school will make me feel better. but i was wrong.i saw this guy who have the same watch as you,and it reminds me of the night i was asking you the time and yes you said just look at it and the time will come out itself.i was stupid to listen to him and he was laughing at me. the watch have to click this button and it will come out the time lah. after thinking about this, i start laughing and my friends thought i was crazy.and the worst part is when I'm in school. it reminds me of the day you said you're coming to my school and i get back when you're already reach the school and we fight again.and theres more memories that maybe i should not mention here.you see! how am i supposed to move on if this is how i felt almost everyday.my mind is full of your memories.I've tried everything just to get it out! i delete every msg you gave, i left my phone at home while I'm going out or meeting friends because i know it will silent all day.i try to have more new friends,and i bought something that was supposed to be yours but i throw it away.and still I'm not fine at all.I'm not me, this is not me! I'm not like this.i just cant except the fact that I'm sad and not the ain i used to be.but i know someday i will be ok. it takes time that's all.
So as I write this post,And she'd my last tear
it's all for the better,That we end this this year
Let's close this chapter

to mirah: oh god! i miss you like crazy. where the hell are you?why are you not here with me? i love you and i cried while reading your blog. it was just so sweet :(

joshua: i know you love me and you always advice me on something and you're so kind that you just want to hug me everyday when we meet in school. but I'm sorry i don't need that at all :) thanks anyway.

manuela: thanks for the advice you gave.i appreciate it alot! maybe i should give you some advice too, don't think about the malaysia guy. he's stupid!slap him then he know! don't know how to treat girls well.you deserve better than him. (:

rena: my b1 too! thanks aloT! I'm sorry if i call "words" just now. hahahaha i am really sorry! i know you love me. i love you too beybeh! :)

fiza: my minarep! thanks for the sms that you gave me last two days. it helps me abit.


baby aqil: you help me abit. i was busy taking care of you and i didnt even think about it that much. and yes sometimes when youre sleepping. i do talk to you and asking why am i like this. you just kept quite cause you were sleeping and if youre awake, i dont think you even understand what the fuck was talking about.

and yes niez: my best friend! thanks alot! you were there for me when i need you. we know we cant contact much because you already have your real baby for 11months and i scared she will say that i wanna stole you from her HAHAHA! youre still my best friend don't worry and you're still in the family of cb hahaha.

and lastly.
to all the new friends that i know: I'm sorry if I've been asking you alot of questions and kept on talking about him all the time.and im happy that you still here and bare with it. thanks alot! :) don't worry i will change insyallah .

i guess thats all, ill stop here then.its too much im sorry.

person who makes me laugh out loud.
the one knowing for years and yet didn't have the chance to meet.
the one who call me at night while i was giving baby aqil susu.
the one who keep on calling me baby girl and change it to super friend.
niez from family of cb hahahah
and he is my best friend <3

gambar bibir nak step sexy meyampah! HAHAHHAHAHA :)

Tuesday4.02pm


theres something you all need to know.

-I'm not a quiet person. i love to talk.

-i trust people easily.especially inlove

-i went to school with difference kind of shoes. but mostly i use my jazz shoes than the vans one,

-i love lollipop.

-when I'm at home, all i did was just msn,cooking,watch tv or even juggle soccer ball and sleep :)

-mirah is my first best cousin/friends ever!

-i think I'm fucking short and I'm 18 now! omg

-i want to dye my hair.

-i hate frogs.

-I'm still working on the holidays

-i know Joshua love me and want to marry me oneday .

-i think the song "if i were a boy-beyonce" is the best song for me now.

-david archuleta is cute

-i still love hearing radiohead songs.

-until now i don't understand what mr.thomas is teaching about.

- i hate p.e lesson haha for now!

-i think miss may look more pretty with her new hair.

-i love hearing this song "remembering sunday" because niez love it too!

-i hate cicak also!

-i think by contacting with some guys/girls while you're single is not a bad thing right?unless you treat them all the same,like you said to this person"i love you baby" but then you said it to another person too!. bad bad! thats is not the way to make things right.

-sometimes when I'm stress or feel fuckup, i feel like smoking but i know by doing that will never make me move on. why must i smoke?this is stupid and I'm not a stupid girl.so for now I'm trying my best to move on. and i think i did it.and I'm happy with that. when i pray to god, i will ask god to give me the correct path and show me whats good and whats bad, and i guess god did show me before its too late.I've change, I'm not the old ain the one, who used to date alot of guys and bustard them one by one,I'm not the one who smoke and pierce like how i used to be years ago. i didn't say piercing is bad for people.but to me. girls who piercing will make her look so wild and macam minarep HAHAHHA and yes theres more in the past which i didn't want to mention here. I've thank god for giving me all the strenght and i hope one day, i will get what i want.

Tuesday9.21am

When things get messed up,
You lift my head up,
I get lost in the clouds.
You opened up my eyes,
You turned my lows to highs,
And that's the only way that I know how to fall.
Not gonna analyze and try to fight it,
Don't even care if it makes no sense at all,
Cause with you I can fly.

see you in school today my dear dear friend :)

i was late again for today, i don't know why I've been so damn late almost every lesson since last week. friends kept on calling me ask "ain where are you?! you still sleeping ah cb!" HAHAHHA and some of them even asking me this "eh what class ah?where are you?you coming or not!" hahahah this is funny because i gave all of them the timetable already and they still wanna ask me what class?cbbbbbbbbbb hahahaha

and and miss may look pretty today ah ah. i know she will read this HAHHAHA! (:

Monday4.28pm

miss may is back. yay happy for you.
so far for today i didn't get any scold from my teachers. usually i will always get scolded with one of the teacher and of course its not my fault! its the teacher! stupid never teach us then when i ask her question, shes mad at me because of nothing. crazy..

hancur beb hancur, hancur into pieces! boohoo
and today I've been using this "i slap you then you know!" hahaha on almost everyone even teacher! hahaha its a joke.and they know that (:

i wanna go to the beach! ive been sucking lollipops the whole damn day at school and kept on buying them.macam addicted you know.anyway yes! i wanna go to the beach! i want to relax my mind.i want to start with my soccer training again.but i know i don't have the time :(
and meeting alot of people and cheering me up really make my day.and theres this person in school. he's been there to cheer me up whenever he got the time to meet me at school. thanks new friend (:

monday9.49am

why do i have a blog? is simply because when i feel so sad, all i did was just blogging it out and let that someone knows how it feels like to be left out.i just don't understand you?really! is there something you wanna tell me? do you want me to stay?or do you even love me? yes I'm attached with a wonderful person that maybe you all will know him later.its been 1month and afew days we're together and people didn't know about it. but as time goes by he said we're fading. fading as in not how we used to be. i was hurt when he said that because seriously i don't know what he really want from me. he said I'm too selfish. well I'm trying here. trying to change just for this person I've been loving for so damn long.i know i cant move on. and you know that too but that doesn't mean i didn't want us to work things out.you said that i don't understand you, well maybe you should think again,how would you feel if your own girlfriend said she was sad and didn't want to talk to you because of another guy , a guy that she said he was just a friend.
i know you want her to change, but this is not the way. ok maybe i should not drag this all the way.its not your friend's fault anyway, i didn't blame her or even you.
I'll stop here then.

sunday1.39pm

i just hate sunday really.

raining soon, i would like that.

saturday8.41pm
All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right.
I'm tripping on words,You've got my head spinning. really why we're together?
There's something about you now,I can't quite figure out.
Time can't erase a feeling this strong.


today.
I'm tired, sad, emotional,happy,think negative thoughts,feel so fuckup,confused,stuck,hanging,worried,give up on everything.

you see, most of my feelings for today are just negative ones.i went to nenek house today, i didn't eat much because maybe I've been thinking alot lately and i don't care if I'm hungry or not.i know almost every post are just emo ones.kalau boleh aku pon taknak post sad sad. but what to do, when I'm sad or feeling down. the best way to bring out all my feelings are by blogging it out.get it?

I'm trying to be Strong enough now. maybe this is just the best way to forget all the negative thinking.i want to have happy life too! but i guess i just have to wait.

how do you feel, if your boyfriend said that he's been so dull today cause his friend which is a girl,drank and your boyfriend dont want to talk to you and want to be alone?how do you feel?
as a girlfriend, maybe you will feel abit sad, cause the girl is more important than you.but when you think again, maybe the girlfriend should do her part too, talk things out.since the boyfriend said that girl was his friend,maybe you should give the boyfriend a chance. tell your boyfrined to ask his friend to change or what. you know a friend.if you have a friend who drinks, you surely advice her right?well same goes to you,boyfriend.advice her not by feeling do damn down and didnt want to even talk to your own girlfriend and make her feel that shes not important in your life anymore.

this is what i have to say for today. & i miss mirah boohoo! :(

Saturday7.30pm

I'm active in friendster,myspace and facebook again!
faster faster faster add me add me addme! :)

Friday8.35pm
i went to old folks home today. its a volunteer. so me and others went (:
i cant talk much because seriously I am tired! after the old folks home thingy , we decided to help a cat. and the cat's leg was injured.so friends bought food and milk for the cat hahaha.and yeah theres more so just look at the pictures people! (:

Friday8.20am
wooo go pieces go!

Today calls for some more creative types of communication
unlock your inner poet.

Wednesday11.47pm

when you look at me, tell me what do you see?

Wednesday12.36pm

when you get to know a friend. for a year,spent time with that person and others..giving each other advice on every problem you had. and suddenly, the person you know change become someone difference,didn't hang out with you and your friends anymore, and when in class the person have the "own friends" and didn't even got the time to talk with us... how do you feel?

Tuesday5.43pm
in the Early morning and i know i was late for school. so i quickly wakeup, bath and get my butt out from the house. it was raining by the way..so i took mrt. as i was in the mrt, i day dreaming while listening to my mp3. i was thinking. why the hell am i end up in this course ( info-com ). this course is all about computers, codes , finding picture's codes,html,modem,and codes again and again. i got so sick and tired of everyday coming to school.and have to squeeze my damn brain and have to think and find the codes.and when it comes to presentations and assignments, i will get so fuckup with everything because firstly, I'm not really good in this course and other thing is i don't like this course and that's why i don't really put myself into it.i think ive made a stupid choice for taking this course. maybe because I'm so desperate to be in school.i was supposed to be in January intake but i was busy having fun with soccer and forget to school and when it comes to April i realise i need to go to school not soccer haha! oh well, i cant blame anyone now. its been 2years I'm in this course and theres no way I'm gonna change to another course.even though i hate this course, i didn't get any 1.0gpa so far. and I'm happy with that.

today is poker face day!
ive been hearing this song all over the place!hahah in school someone's ringtone song! and my mind was kept on "po po po po poker faceee!" hahaha and after that heard it on the mrt! "po po po po po po po poker face!" haha and when i went to whitesand, i heard it in the lift haha!

I've been feeling so damn sleepy when I'm in school today. i didn't eat finish my food because maybe I'm not that hungry.we got some talk just now and i saw izzat and tinesh.izzat shout my name so loud and i thought which guy was calling haaha and yeah its izzat shawn! he waving at me and his expression was like "wah ain! long time no see!" hahaha and yeah the talk was the worst talk ever and theres no link with my course at all! they were talking about some games stuffs.so me and others didn't hear what the hell they were talking about..even miss ruhaizah! we kept on passing msg using papers. haha! and laugh so damn loud! and yes tinesh will always disturb me if he got the chance.kept on msging me saying "eh don't talk lah! come to school play play only!" hahah wtf tinesh -.-

Monday9.33am

what if I've being left out and nobody cares about it?
what if mirah got a new boyfriend?
what if shabby become so damn skinny?
what if my boyfriend hates me? (if i got any)
what if ite macpherson will have to move to a difference school?
what if the school's food is been poison like how the rojak thingy happen?
what if rani went to india and never came back?
what if savi went to another school? (he is now :( )
what if my mum knows something about me that i also don't know hmmmmm
what if monhtet have another boyfriend and bustard her again?
what if esther quit school?
what if ivan become a magician?
what if my b1 went s.h.e concert and never come back? hahahah (:
what if miss ruhaizah didn't let me to go for a break after i did my wire thingy?
what if mr thomas pronounce my name wrongly?

Sunday10.19pm

i have to admit most of my friends are chinese,and when we talked, they will talked in chinese.i got pissed sometimes but I'm ok with it because i cant blame them. what if i have more malay friends then chinese, i bet i will be like them too talking my own malay language.and sometimes when we talked, im the one will be like "eh english please!" haha and yah they will surely "hahah okok english english" i think having a chinese or other than malay friends are cool. we get to learn their language, they taught me alot of Chinese words and sometimes i do use that word to my other friends.not only chinese i do have one Indian friend and Myanmar hahaha cool sia! (:

Sunday8.41pm

i hate sunday not because I'm not in a mood.to me sunday is just a plain day where by you didn't do anything and will stay at home the whole day doing nothing then just slacking.i helped mum cooking today! and the best part is my uncle and her wife will be coming.i thought abang and kakak will be coming too but then they didn't! grrr abang was tired cause he will be working later at night. hmmm

today is just same old sunday..so plain and so dull.happy about today is i got the chance to pray.well actually i always got the chance to pray it just that im too lazy but after praying today, i felt so relieve. (:


and yah,
happy birthday!! mr haerull! may you will be happy always insyallah(:

Sunday12.59am

this picture shows that i having difference lenght of hair.which means i cut the right side of my hair right right right? haha well actually both lenght of my hair still long, i only cut my hair abit on both sides and when i put all my hair on the left side, it looks like this.like im having difference lenght of hair. don't worry i won't be stupid to have this kinda hair style. (:

this morning i did something stupid,i cut my new bedsheets.and its fucking mahal! hmmm

i hate sombong people,action and unfriendly. i got pissed so i maki that person,cb you.

this song is damn funny i got this from sadiq's blog hahaha!

nipple nipple haaaaah nipple nipple!

Friday5.54am

its complicated, i really don't know how to explain.
Why we have to play these games we play?You know what I'm saying,You know what I mean.I can't take it.What am I waiting for?
I'm still breaking..And I can't fake it,The way I could before..

this morning, my head is full of negative thoughts,but i manage to forget about it when i start chatting with shazan! he's my long lost msn friend. i used to contact with him when i was secondary 3 and he's damn sweet,he's cute and every girls will love him I'm serious because he got the looks and a heart too haha! we stop contacting when i start to change my number and didn't tell him my new number because i don't know why.so anyway today we talked and i ask him alot of questions.and he told me he's single now and he don't want to get in any of relationship because he's hurt.aww i think he is in the same situation with me now and i pity for him. he really are a nice guy :)

I've been watching and hearing alot of ghost stories. and i get scared every single night hahaha
just finish watching this ghost story on "sensasi channel",and it scary even though i watch it in the afternoon -.- aku tau aku lemah.

Thursday8.03am


i just hate yesterday wanna know why?because i didn't pay any attention what mr thomas said.the way he talked its like so damn boring and seriously i need school books! other than that, I'm just not being myself yesterday, I'm not that happy even though i laugh and still making fun of rani like how i used to do, but yah it still not me..to me yesterday was just not my day.i did my own stuffs like on lappy and playing stupid online games while teacher were teaching us something important.i cant always be like this, i know that! and that's why i hate to drag problems when I'm in school, i will lost track when i got some assignments to do, i will not pay any attention in class and i will get moody and i didn't eat much.

note: joshua want to marry me today! but he only have $3.so pathetic! hahaha

Wednesday9.06am
unlucky.

i don't feel lucky at all. what am i supposed to do now?

OK this month I'm seriously broke. i didn't work due to schooling and i cant work on Saturdays cause i got some school stuffs to do.i need money for new school books,i need money for new polo tees, and i need money for myself.

currently i don't feel that well today, I'm so sick. my head is so heavy to get up every morning. hmmmm its been two days i didn't pray :(

Tuesday6.40pm

great day today but it get sucks in the afternoon.

i ate alot of sweets today bought 3 lollipops, and once i finish the first one, i get ready with the second one means i continue all the way.and i didn't stop sucking it!

I'm having sw(pe) tomorrow morning and and and i don't feel like going. :(

Monday11.20pm

why must my lesson will always end at 6pm? jawab cepat jawab!

today is Monday and my teacher was sick sooo theres no lesson and we got back early,damn early...so i get back home and sleep,but only for few hours because this dumb meridian's primary student are just being a fuckignghsdksfhdscio kid. shouting here and there under my block.and i heard they were shouting "campak dier campak dier!" hahaha. i feel like shouting at them "eh bodoh ,boleh diam taaaaak!" but naah I'm too tired to get up. so anyway i called my mum because i miss her.my mum so cute! she told me she was at mirah's place -.- and after afew hours mum text me this (ibu:"ibu on t w ni lek")hahahah oh god! her shortcuts so damn short! sometimes i don't understand her text.haha i love you mum

now I'm hungry and I'm craving for errrrm ermmmm waffle! :)
maybe friday aku nak buat roti john aku sendiri weeee :)

asal pasir ris dah takde pasar malam? babi.

Sunday5.43pm

i hate Sunday, mixed feelings is killing me.

I feel like somebody dropped a ton of bricks on my stomach.
"I heard people talk about it And laugh like it'll never happened to me Now look at me..It caught me.See how quick karma comes around"

I've been hearing oag-Akustatik and it reminds me of muhammad nurul islam...hmmm
maybe because he is the first person ask me to hear this song.
and i don't know why i kept on thinking the day we met and we went to MacDonald's and you was telling me something about my burger and we ate fries with ice cream hahaha ok ain stop it.maybe I'm just missing him lah hmmm

tomorrow is monday and monday is the first day of school for my second year and and tinesh told me we gonna have alot of presentations and projects and assignments. haizz busy woman betul lah aku ni.

Saturday6.33pm

after this i wanna get back to sleep................lalalalalaaaaa!

when out with love today,and hearull too! hearull being abit loner and the way he walk like turtle so damn slow so we have to wait for him at eunos for like 1/2anhour.after waiting for Mr hearull ,we went to payar lebar and mirah bought this shoes which i used to have.she bought it for her to wear first day of school.after happly buying the shoes,her friend msg her and told her that she can only wear black shoes.. -.-
so anyway after that we went to vivo, shopping and it start rainning cause i was singing, slack for awhile,went shopping again and get back home :)

i wanna write this.

1.my full name is nurul ain binte johari.

2.I'm 18 years old, but people think im younger than 18. -.-

3. I'm short and my height is 156. :(

4. when i was in secondary, i love eating donuts.

5. I'm not good in soccer. i can only juggle my soccer ball for like 3 or 4 times hahaha! but i love heading!and I'm gooood at it!

6. i used to date alot of guys and bustard them one by one. that was when i was in secondary's life but I've change now! i swear!

7. sometimes i do get jealous with mirah.

8. i used to have a relationship with secondary one boy when i was secondary two.

9. i used to smoke. and sometimes when i look at someone who smoke, i feel like smoking too.

10. all my ex know whats my favourite food!

11. i love all colours i used to have all pink stuffs,and people thought i like pink haha! but i like all colours not only pink :)

12. when I'm sad or feeling down, i love hearing radiohead's songs.

13. i used to hear jiwang's songs but now i hate it.

14. when i count back my exes, i got 20 exes but only 3 of them I'm serious with while others was paham paham je lah .

15. i used to be a rugby player and silat too! hehehe :)

16. i used to have a cat and i name it, "black" yes weird name because shes black lah that's why.

17. i don't really believe in love but to me love is just a curse.

18. i had a crush on this guy in my school but end up his friend were the one who like me not him :( sedih pe aku

19. i miss playing block catching with all my soccer girls haha hmmm

20. and lastly i don't know if I'm attach or not.

OK byeeeeee!

friday6.20pm

"You're the best, and yes, I do regret
How I could let myself let you go
now the lesson's learned
I touched it, I was burned
Oh, I think you should know!

beCause when I'm with him I am thinking of you
Thinking of you, what you would do
If you were the one who was spending the night
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes"

Thursday10.06pm

I'm craving for rojak keling but after i heard the news about the poison thingy, i don't feel like eating them anymore. hmmm

sometimes people around you just being a bitch,like when you texting them a long damn msg and they end up replying you with just one pathetic word.hmm i cant blame them because i used to be like that too but that doesn't mean you have to be like that all the time whenever i msging you what?please I've said sorry and that's enough. why must you make it worst until we mad at each other for no reason?
i know sometimes i have this attitude problems well maybe all the time.you cant blame me for that..well that's me!if you know me for a long time ,you will know me damn well ..I'm seriously not like that.i love to laugh, i love to do stupid stuffs and laugh out loud, I'm damn friendly and I'm not that sombong sombong type of girl and stare sane sini konon minarep gitu. i swear I'm not that kinda person.everybody is not perfect.i do have mood swings,but just for awhile, and after that I'll be better :)
mirah knows me well and shes there for me whenever I'm having my mood swings or not,she know me well, she knows what type of person i am and even sometimes she do gave me alot of advice so that i can be much more a better person who never always think negative about myself.

my teacher share this with me,and when the first time i read it, i was like "woaaah it really make me change my life now"

"Kehidupan dunia selalu ada hal hal yang tidak mengenakkan kita, karena memang Allah ciptakan demikian. Kalau kami jadikan kenikmatan dunia itu seluruhnya indah, kata Allah, “mereka tidak akan mau meninggalkan dunia”. (Firman Nya : “Kalau Allah luaskan seluas luasnya rizki hamba hamba Nya dibumi, maka mereka akan betah di dunia, maka Allah turunkan dengan kadar batas yg dikehendaki Nya”
Memang Allah jadikan kehidupan dunia itu ada hal hal yang mengecewakan. Supaya apa? supaya mereka memahami ini hanya kehidupan yang sementara, akan muncul kehidupan yang kekal dan abadi."

We have come across many things in life that we are not happy with...at times not even a smooth journey due to challenges and obstacles that we have to overcome. these things often pull us down and make us in low spirit. and we forget tat we are only in a temporary world.

Thursday11.23pm
the gift and curse

woke up in morning and i received miss may sms,
new subject to be learn and change of teacher grrrr.

timetable for Monday.
9.00 to 12.00 class:e402
( networking fundamental )
1.00 to 2.00 class:c205
( cah )
2.00 to 6.00 class:c205
( Internet fundamentals )

binget bingeeeeeeeeet! first day of school end class 6.00pm
miss may will still be our teacher, mr goh have to left us with a new teacher :(
we gonna miss you mr goh. even though he's teaching was abit slack but he do care for us and especially for the people who cant make it for the exam.and i know he always try his best not to fail us hmmm. farewell mr goh!


I've been having alot of nightmares.i cant tell what i dream but i know it was just nightmares that i hope it will never ever come true.and what i dream is always the same dream, you know what i mean.